Finding Your Authentic Relationship
Until you know how to be your true self, finding a relationship that is authentic, lasting, true love...will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
Until you choose to be yourself, you will keep attracting relationships based on illusions and ideals. You are being someone to make that person like you, they are being someone to make you like them. After a while, the relationship falls apart because you were not being yourselves. You were just holding on to some fantasy that you created, which lacks any foundation for a real relationship.
However, you did need to go through those relationships in order to get closer to what you truly want and who you are. Becoming aware of where you were not being yourself is the first step. The sooner you can be authentic and aware, the sooner you will attract this person into your life, and you may not have to go through a bunch more lessons. Just learn it now!
There is a clarity, honesty, and trust that comes with finding your true love.
The clarity is really knowing when you are being real, and when you are acting from ego, fear, and insecurities. Clarity of knowing if someone is really for you and its a yes on all levels (mind, body, soul), or if its a clear no. Any lingering, nagging doubts should be an indication to you that it is a no.
The honesty is really being honest with yourself and with the other person. If you have to lie to yourself that you think this relationship can work even if this or that is not quite right, but good enough, and you will settle because you’d rather not be alone, then it definitely won’t work. And if you are not honest with the other person about how you actually feel, or you’re afraid to hurt them, or you want to please them... this is a recipe for a breakup in the near future.
Trust is trusting yourself when you know something is off, or you know something is very good. If you don’t trust the other person, its really because you don’t trust yourself to have good judgement. Becoming clear in what is true and false, and trusting that instinct, will clear away any chance of getting hurt and you will only allow into your life someone who is genuine and trustworthy.
It is when two people who have this full awareness and authenticity come together, that magic is bound to happen. It may be that the two of you had to go through all the “lessons” first before you would finally find each other. And when you do find that person, it just clicks. You know it is right. And your body, mind and soul are all in alignment within and with the other person.
Trust yourself. Know yourself. If there are any doubts that linger and you just don’t feel right about this person, let that person go. Because there’s no point in living a lie. There’s no point in settling. Being patient with life and the process is important.
This is not to say that when you do find your true love, there wont be some levels of doubt, challenges, and insecurities. This is just the past hurt creeping up on us. If the love is real, and you are real, and you catch yourself in the past hurt and trauma, learn to heal it and let it go, you will have more clarity and trust in the person who is in front of you. And if you are both self aware and trust in each other, nothing can break this. The challenges will only make your relationship stronger. Authenticity and openness will pave the way to an everlasting love.
When the time is right
You’re pushing. Struggling. Fighting. Get me out of here! I want to move on with my life!
Do you feel like time is running out? You had a schedule for your life, and nothing is going according to plan, is it?
That’s because you are running on divine timing. Your planned timing is just a figure of your imagination.
Not to say it isn’t good to have goals to keep you moving forward. But life is completely unpredictable and what you want in the order and time you want, will not necessarily happen this way. But why?
Your life is a set of lessons to be learned. If you try to skip something or go too fast, in one way or another, you will be slowed down or even stopped on your tracks with an unexpected event. Because there’s something to learn before you can move on to the next steps in life.
There is nothing to be worried about, because all these events are happening in perfect time. If you can have some faith, some acceptance, that this is all perfect, even if you feel like you’re going through hell, you will see once this time period passes, why you had to go through it in the first place. You would not be who you are today.
Have faith and trust. Think of a time that you thought you would never get out alive. But here you are. It always seems like the end of the world when we’re in it. But if you just look at it from the bigger picture, that event is so small compared to the entirety of life. We have so much to live for, and so many things to experience. Instead of getting stuck on this event or situation, let it teach you what it needs so you can move on to more. Listen to your inner guidance because this is key when getting the lessons. There are always endings and beginnings in life. But what is infinite is your soul and connection to the universe. There is no end in sight, and possibilities are endless. You can place limits on yourself and believe that this is all there is, or, you can push forward with faith that you are a being with unlimited potential. And if you stay open to this potential, when the time is right and the lessons are learned, magic happens.
TAKE YOUR POWER BACK FROM DISTRACTIONS
Do you ever find yourself coming home from a long day and turning on the TV? Does it play in the background while you are eating or doing chores, or do you find that the TV just ends up watching you sleep? What about Facebook and other social media? Or maybe you are constantly working, finding new projects, new friends, or new relationships.
What do all of these have in common?
Avoidance of self.
There is a fear underlying the loss of the distractions. The fear of oneself. Fear of no purpose. Fear of nothingness.
Because we don't know the meaning of life, why we are here...so we distract ourselves...then we do not have to face the reality that we are born alone, die alone...because this is a scary thought to most humans. All the in between is to get to the heart of our true selves, to be our purest self so that we can live in love and upliftment for ourselves and others. But most of us fill this time with work, projects, drugs, relationships, pets....these are not necessarily negative things. The only thing that makes it negative is if we use them as distractions.
We fear our thoughts, our pain, our emotions. Because if you feel or think, and you do not like the thoughts or feelings, it means needing to overcome the attachments leading to them.
Attachment is generally easier than letting go. To many, letting go of attachment means letting go of a purpose, of an object, of a person, of a pet, of a job, of a house, etc...etc...etc..
So staying attached then creates a false sense of happiness, the zombified happiness that many people are in.
So my sincere truth to you. Feel that feeling of fear, aloneness, and nothingness. Think those thoughts of the endings that are coming. And let yourself come to terms with all of it by being non-attached. You live in love. You live in neutrality. You live only to be who you truly are. You love who you are. You spread this love to others. Because there really is no other purpose for us here. That TV, job, social media, car, relationship... None of those attachments and distractions will have power over you. They will be there but you won't find yourself hypnotized by them any longer. They no longer are your source of happiness. You just wont allow it. YOU are your source of happiness.
You have chosen a new path, the path of non-attachment. The more you accept that all things that live, must die, and all physical objects are finite, the more you will know that the only infinite thing is your soul, and the souls you surround yourself with, and all together, ultimately God and universe. There is nothing more to attach to once you fall in love with the infinite. You play the game of life, like a small child, who is actually always happy, even when things go wrong. Because you are carefree, and know there is so much more than this physical existence.
Elvira is a Licensed Naturopathic Doctor and Certified Yoga Instructor. She combines her knowledge of the naturopathic modalities with mind-body therapy, yoga, ayurveda, exercise, and energy healing.